DIY: How To Squander Your Own Work Potential

An Office

Are you tired of people constantly congratulating you, or celebrating your achievements? Well I know for a long time I was. “Fantastic work on that MXI presentation,” they’d say. “Your analytical graphics were exceptional.” Ugh. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Luckily, I took action. Tired of being relied upon and revered by my peers, I took on the task of creating a full-proof plan, to squander my own potential.
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America’s First Trustworthy Swindler

HazmatBorn in 1866, Darvishim Hazmat was a noteworthy entrepreneur during the late 19th century. He is most closely associated with his ambitious attempt to move, famous New York City road, Broadway, nine and a half blocks South to it’s current position near Times Square.

Hazmat has been the inspiration for numerous films such as: “Bullets Over Broadway”(1994), “Aviator Shorty”(1937), and “SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2” (2004). Despite his acclaim, Hazmat is often over looked by history, and his memory has become nothing more than camp fire fodder, and a nightmare-inducing bed time story. The reason for this is closely tied to his enigmatic persona, which left many questions about his life unanswered… until now…

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How to: Write Your First Pulitzer Prize Winning Article

Pulitzer Prize

“The page is blank. At first. I sat with my hands, ever so slightly, draped across the keyboard. Hesitant. Short sentences. The tip of the cigarette burns. I’m not a smoker. Not normally. Not usually. But today, I lit one up. I’m not ashamed, because the only reason I did it was to mention it in this article. To create an image. A writer’s image…

Now, more than ever, it was 1994.”

What does any of the above mean to you? If you said nothing, then you’re already halfway to winning your first Pulitzer.

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Child Molesters In Your Neighborhood…

YOUR Neighborhood

I’ve found, that with someone like me, who has an archive filled with massive amounts of information, it becomes difficult to sort through what people do and don’t need to hear. I think so far, I’ve been pretty good in terms of supplying our loyal readers with necessary knowledge [see: Kid Vs. Man Karate War], but for today, I’m going to try to raise the bar, ever so slightly.

Child molesters (or “Cholesters” to the seasoned crime fighter/amphibian), by definition, have vestigial tails (the scientifically proven source of all molestation powers). However, in such a pant-obtrusive society, how are we to know what to look for to keep our families safe? Like any other website administrator, I’ve had my fair share of Cholester encounters, so I think it’s about time I passed along some helpful hints to identify and avoid at least three common Cholester archetypes.

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What Your Toothbrush Says About You

Toothbrushes, like all things you own, are status symbols. After all, it is said that you can tell a lot about a person by checking out their bathroom. Think about what horrific personal secrets and ointments you leave out unattended for any visitor to your bathroom to see. Of course, discovering that your friend has bathroom secrets (two types of hair gel?! What is he trying to hide?!) can be time consuming. Bathrooms, like English Muffins,┬áhave many nooks and crannies. But I’m here to cut your search time in half. All you need to know about someone is right there with their toothbrush. Continue reading

Things I Do For My Roommates

I live in the greatest apartment in the world. I don’t mean to be confrontational but my apartment could kick your apartment’s ass any day any time.

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