Mailevolence.

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We take a lot of things for granted. Like food, water, shelter, art, this blog, the internet, our loved ones (there’s plenty of fish in the sea), etc. The list is endless. There is one entity, as unobtrusive as they may be, that we would be wise to appreciate. That is, if we know what’s good for us.

I’ll just go ahead and say it. Your mail carrier. That’s right. Your letter toting, frequently stopping, ill-designed-golf-cart driving mail carrier. You know, the one that is stopped on the side of an empty 35 mph residential street that ruins your experiment to see how fast your car goes. The one that is irrationally afraid of your Doberman named Pickles (He’s such a sweet little thing.) You know, the one that can never stay for tea. Yes, this unsocial, dog-hating, opponent of science must be revered, for they have more power than you can imagine. Continue reading

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The Box Office Insider Presents: R is for Rockin’

 Wild West HottiesWild West HottiesWild West Hotties 2

Rarely does such a serendipitously violent weekend come along. In fact, this weekend at the movies promises to be so enjoyable that I’ve been stunned into writer’s block.  All this Box Office Insider can say is: even though the numbers won’t reflect it, this is going to be a very good weekend. So catch the bus, ask your mom for a ride or (if you’re one of those little punks loitering outside my office) tumble in on your skateboard… just get yourself to the theater.

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Penguins Seek World Domination, Fla-Vor-Ice

Penguins survey the landscape

Though rumors have circulated for years, the first concrete evidence that penguins are in fact attempting to take over the world was leaked from a top secret CIA report early this morning. According to the document, which the Drago newsroom has obtained through less than legal-but not quite reprehensible means, penguins are united in the dream to rule the world, create a crisp wintry climate year round and eat all our Fla-Vor-Ice, the muti-colored freezer bars popular with children.

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An Author’s Broken Heart…

BrokenHeart

I understand that the subject of this piece may sound bitter, and off-putting, and I assure you, that is intentional. Why do I seem to be so heart broken? The weather is nice outside. It’s Friday! Well, please allow me to tell you why I’m so upset, through the power of Grammy Award Nominated* Album cover art!

[*Note: For the sake of ease, I’ll be focusing only on winners, because lists of the winners are much easier to find.]

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The Box Office Insider Presents: More Kicks Than A Rockettes Reunion Tour

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Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theater, this weekend will do nothing but kick you out again… and I mean that… literally. We’ve got boxers fighting for a second chance, cranked cops fighting the bad guys, a semi-mute Englishman on a rampage through the French Rivera and that’s only 3 of the 5 wide releases this weekend. It looks like things could get scrappy, but never fear, the Box Office Insider is here to help you bob and weave and get you through the weekend without too many bruises.

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DIY: How To Squander Your Own Work Potential

An Office

Are you tired of people constantly congratulating you, or celebrating your achievements? Well I know for a long time I was. “Fantastic work on that MXI presentation,” they’d say. “Your analytical graphics were exceptional.” Ugh. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Luckily, I took action. Tired of being relied upon and revered by my peers, I took on the task of creating a full-proof plan, to squander my own potential.
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Science Reveals!: “Is Sleep Overrated?”

Science

New theories on sleep deprivation may significantly alter the world’s perception on common sleeping habits.

(Crandon, Missouri) Let it never be said that scientists are merely Earth-clutching, goggle wearing, lab lovers, because a breakthrough study in sleep dynamics has possibly revealed shocking new evidence in favor of insomniacs everywhere!

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